This is So Hard

People who don’t teach probably think that teaching is terribly hard. Standing up in front of 26 fourth graders and trying to get them to do what you want or need them to do? It seems impossible, but it's my normal. There’s a schedule, a routine, a sense of comfort and safety within the walls of a school, and especially within the walls of a classroom.

Some days teaching is amazing, and then other days teaching is HARD. Really hard. You can’t make the kids do what you want them to. You can’t  fix things for them or do things for them. But you can help them, and you can support them. You can let them know how much you care for and love them and want the best for them. You can have lunch with them, joke with them in the hallway, and share silly stories to help them forget the bad stuff for a few seconds.

Sure, teaching can be hard. But let me tell you what’s harder:

Not teaching.

Not being in school.

Sitting in front of a computer for hours. I honestly don’t know how people do it. I feel like I'm doing a million things but accomplishing nothing.

Having to see your kids and your coworkers and dear friends through a computer screen.

Knowing that you have to pass more responsibilities on to parents when they already have a ton of responsibilities on their plates.

Not being able to help when somebody need it or trying to provide that help from a distance.

Getting bombarded with emails and not knowing where to start.

Hearing your kids say, “I just want to go back to school.”

I understand the importance of the stay at home order, and I am doing my part. I am staying home. I am social distancing when I need to go out. I am washing my hands. I am 1/3 of the way to my 2020 book goal. I’ve started playing the clarinet again. I'm working on a puzzle. I’m exercising. I’m cooking healthy meals and drinking my water. I am thankful for the essential employees in all fields who are trying so hard to keep our society moving while trying to stay safe. My family and friends are healthy. 

I know I have a tremendous amount of things to be grateful for.

But that doesn’t make this situation any easier. My heart is still hurting for so many reasons.

So I will figure out this new way of teaching.

I will focus on what I can control.

And I will look forward to the day when I can go back and do my hard job the way it was meant to be done.