Being Told You Can't

A few years ago, I went to a music trivia night with my friend. My friend is a music junkie and has a knack for remembering songs and artists from all different genres. While I love and appreciate music and have played the clarinet since I was 9, remembering song titles and the artists who sing them isn't one of my strengths.

While I can't remember whether we won or lost that night, the one thing that has stuck with me for four years is how I felt. My partner, my friend, discounted my answers, she used her own because I didn't know what I was talking about, and she made me feel bad when we did use my answers and they were incorrect. I can't remember the exact words she used, but that feeling has kept me from attending other music trivia nights on purpose. And even when I did happen to be in an establishment when one was going on I didn't participate at all or try very hard if I did participate because I knew I was really bad at it.

Hellllllooooooo, fixed mindset.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when we accidentally ended up at a music trivia night with friends. We joined in, but in my head I was thinking, "I really suck at this." To my surprise, I helped get a few of the answers. Go me! We went back last week, and I managed to get a few more correct answers. Last night...... let me tell you about last night. I'm not one to brag, but I kicked butt last night, particularly in the "Mash Up" round. The object of the round was to name the two songs that were mixed together and the two artists. I was also able to get the "Final Jeopardy" round as well. My team didn't win, but it didn't matter. The feeling I felt was (and still is) hard to put into words. After four years of believing I was a failure, I was successful! I felt like I was an important asset to my team! I had accomplished something I didn't think I could do!

How many times do our words and our actions make our kids feel like I have felt for the last four years?

We constantly "tell" our kids that they are "bad readers" by making them go to clinics to do more reading.
We don't give them a chance to fix mistakes on tests, leading them to believe that mistakes are bad and they aren't good enough.
We keep them in from recess to review information they didn't understand on a test.
We consistently look for areas of weaknesses and plan our instruction around that.

I know this list is just a tip of the iceberg, and I know that 99% of these actions are either products of the system or just how schools work. But despite the fact that we do not mean to make kids feel like they are failures, how often do we do just that? How often do we focus on what kids can't do instead of focusing on what they can do.

This is something I have thought about often, and I may have even written about it here before. But it never really impacted me so personally until last night. I know that there are things that I cannot change, but I need to do my best to find all of the things that I can change. For four years, I felt like a failure at something simply because of what another person did, and I need to make sure that I am never that person for any of my students.