Not going to lie, I had a little bit of a melt down today while I was working in my classroom. I am trying to keep in mind all that I learned and reflected upon this summer. And as I was thinking about everything, all that kept creeping into my mind were all of the roadblocks I was facing. I had to leave school, come home, and spend some time at my favorite spot by the river to help myself get back on track.
Probably the most important lesson I had to repeat over and over today was that things don't have to be perfect. Things can be changed if they don't work out. It's okay to try something, decide I don't like it, and then try something else. But I just want it to be perfect -- these kids are going through such a huge change, I want everything to be perfect for them so their transition can be as smooth as possible. But just as I want to give them grace and make it easy for them, I am being hard on myself. This would be a huge transition for me just to switch my teaching assignment. Now add on all of these new strategies I'd like to try, and everything is even huger.... more huge? Bigger. More uncertain.
And instead of being patient with myself and giving myself the chance to experience a few bumps, I'm putting the pressure on myself to make everything perfect.
Seriously?? Nobody is perfect. Nor did anybody ever expect me to be perfect. So where did this come from?? I don't know, but I'm going to keep reminding myself that the best I can do is try. If things work, great. If not, I'm a pretty good planner and a pretty good problem solver, so I sure I'll be able to come up with a different solution.
Time to refocus and reset my attitude. I'm not setting up my perfect classroom. I'm getting ready for a great group of kids, and together we will learn and grow and figure out what works best for us.