My Feel Good Folder

To my utter joy, and hers, my wonderful student teacher was approved for a 5th grade position at my building. I am so excited for her, and she is already jumping at the bit to get into her new classroom to start setting things up. As somebody who went back to get her teaching certification she was older than other student teachers by a few years, and that maturity made her extremely reflective about her practice. I know this is going to serve her well, and I'm so excited to work with her to help her get off on the right foot.

Over the past few days she's been texting me to ask me what I thought she needed to get and where she should start. First, I told her to relax and enjoy her summer, and then I started to create a list of little things she may want in her room to get her started on the right foot, all of those little things that you may not realize you'll need as a new teacher. As I was browsing through my TweetDeck this evening to get more ideas for this list, I ran across this post about staying positive by Aviva, and it got me thinking about one thing I have that I think every teacher needs.

During my first year of teaching one of my students drew an amazingly funny comic strip for me. As I was sharing it with coworkers one of the more experienced teachers said, "You should put that in your Feel Good Folder!" I had never heard of such a thing so I asked her about it, and she told me it's just a folder where you put those special things that make you feel really good about being a teacher. So I grabbed a bright red file folder, labeled it Feel Good Folder, put the comic strip in there (after laminating of course!), and put it in my filing cabinet.

Like most of you I get many, many pictures, emails and notes every year, but the Feel Good Folder is a little different. The contents of this folder are those extra special things, the ones that really touch your heart. On days when I'm hurting and finding it hard to remember the good things about being a teacher, I turn to this red folder. It's name fits -- I can't help but feel better when I look at this small, special collection from the past 16 years. And I can't help but remember all of the wonderful reasons why I am a teacher.

So as you are reflecting upon your successes from the past year, take some time this summer to recharge by thinking about all of the things that you already have in your Feel Good Folder. Even if you don't have a physical folder (yet) the memories will recharge you over the summer and get you excited to plan for your next big adventure in the fall.

Staying Put

I never really thought of myself as principal material, but about 10 years ago I went ahead and added my K-12 principal's certification to the master's degree I was getting at the recommendation of one of my professors. I'm very glad I did it, but I've never actually USED this certification. I'm lucky enough to work in a district where teachers are given many opportunities to fill leadership positions so I've never felt strongly enough to leave the classroom and pursue something else.

And then about 3 weeks ago an internal job listing popped up. This listing was for a coaching / supervisory position. While I wasn't exactly sure what this new position would entail, it sounds like the job that I had been waiting for to finally try out my admin certification. As appealing as it sounded, however, I wasn't exactly sure if I was ready to leave the classroom or my amazing team. It really felt like we were just getting started and had so much more work to do. So, stay where I'm comfortable or take a shot at a new challenge?

I had 4 days to decide whether or not to apply.

I'll spare you the hemming and hawing that went on through 3.5 of those days, but in the end I sent my letter of interest and resume off to Human Resources. I received a polite email thanking me for my interest and letting me know they'd be in touch about the interview process.

About a week after that I received my second email scheduling my interview for June 11 at 11:00. The nervous butterflies fired up as soon as I saw the subject line, but thankfully I needed to get through those crazy last 4 days of school. So I knew the interview was coming but I chose to pretend it wasn't there. I will also spare you the gory details of the shopping trip that was necessary because I didn't have a single "interview appropriate" piece of clothing. Thankfully I have a wonderful teammate who is a shopping pro, and she worked her magic; I believe, however, that I was more of a challenge than she let on. (My lack of the girl shopping gene could be a topic for another post sometime!)

Tuesday morning rolled around. My preparation for the interview really focused on two things: looking up information on the new multiple measures teacher evaluation format being rolled out by the state of PA (Ha! There's nothing.... check for yourself) and developing MY list of questions. The hemming and hawing and debating with myself had gone on most of the last two weeks, resulting in very little sleep and lots of worrying if I was doing the right thing. I wanted to make sure I got enough information about the position that I would be confident it would be the right fit if I was to leave the classroom.

After waiting about 50 minutes the first candidate walked out. I knew right then that I was not supposed to have this position. The other candidate is amazing, somebody I look up to, and this person could do incredible things with their vision in this position.

Following a brief introduction of the process (I knew and have worked with every person on the panel) I answered my 11 questions based upon the competencies they identified for the job. One thing that become increasingly obvious to me was how much I love and believe in what my team is doing. So many of the questions were answered with success stories from my team, challenges from my team... it was all about our team and how we're helping kids. It seemed to be another sign that I was supposed to stay where I was at.

We wrapped up with my questions about the position, and that was an interesting experience. Many of my most important questions didn't have answers, and thankfully I was told that. Another important question I asked was not answered so honestly, and that was the "nail in the coffin" to me. If somebody can't be honest with me during an interview how were they going to be as a colleague? So I left feeling extremely proud of myself for the answers I had given, but I also felt as though 1,000 pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. I knew this job was not the right fit for me, and my heart was happy to know that I'd be staying in the classroom.

Today my gut feeling was made official. I received the call from HR telling me they had selected somebody else for the position. I probably surprised our HR Director when I told him that I was thrilled to hear that, but it's the truth. The candidate they picked will do an amazing job (I am truly looking forward to working with this person and getting suggestions from them), and my teammates and I will do an amazing job for our kids in the classroom.

It was truly an honor that I was one of only two people selected to interview for the position (who knows, maybe I was one of only two crazy enough to apply!), and I am very proud of the answers I gave and how I conducted myself. More than anything this helped me realize how important my kids and my families are to me, and I am thrilled to be staying put despite the challenges we continue to face.

So I Bet You're Excited, Aren't You?

Over the last few days we've had several parents in and out of the classroom helping with lunches and parties, and over and over I've heard,

"I bet you're excited for summer!"
"Bet you're ready to have some quiet time!"
"Bet you're ready for a break!"

Now, I'm not going to lie. There were a few times during the last week I did go into the bathroom just so I could have a little quiet, alone time. (Have't we all!?!?) But unlike some teachers I was not waiting at my door, packed up, and ready to run out for summer vacation. While I'm certainly happy to be able to sleep in and not have to wear grown up shoes for a few months, I can definitely say I wasn't excited to say goodbye to my kids yesterday.

There were lots of different reasons for my sadness. Lots of thinking and wondering personally, but more are related to my kids. Never mind the questions about will they read over the summer or will they practice their facts.

I worry about what some are going home to for the next 77 days.
I wonder who will take care of them and where they will get their next meals.
I hope that they will all be back.
I wish that some would get the help they desperately need.

Every group of kids is special, on that we can all agree. But this group touched me a little bit more than others. The kind notes of appreciation from them and their parents and the hugs at the end of the day seemed to mean a little bit more. I hope that they are all safe over the summer, and I hope that I see all of their smiling faces back in the fall.

Now.... where DID I put that summer "to do" list???

Reflecting on Change - Part 4

This is the fourth in a series of posts I started for Middleweb. You can read the first parts of our story here, here and here. This fourth post is being published here on Teach 'n' Life for the first time.

Brighter Skies

In some ways the middle point of the school year can seem very much like the beginning of the new year. While the floors aren’t sparkling and you already have a tremendous amount of knowledge about your kids, there’s still something special. Maybe it’s that the kids have finally started to trust us, maybe it’s the fact that things are finally starting to “click” for them. Whatever the reason, I find the middle of the year to be a really exciting time because I’m anticipating all of the growth that can happen and the goals that can be achieved over the next 4.5 months.

Even as we’ve been teaching, the three of us have each spent a great deal of time researching ideas about how we could do things differently in our classrooms and what we could do to transform learning for our students. Some of these ideas have been tremendously successful, and some have been epic failures. But even in those failures we’ve been able to pick up the pieces, learn from what didn’t work, and prepare even better ideas for “the next time we try this” whether that’s this year or during the 2013-2014 school year.

And yet, even with all of the successes we’ve had this year and even though so much time has passed, the clouds are still here, and the thunder still rumbles.

We’ve been labeled by some. You’re “the low team” and “nothing good is going to happen when parents figure that out,” they say. They can talk all they want. My teammates and I took on this issue head on at our Parent Night in August. We explained why our team looked different, and our feelings about why the other type of team set-up didn’t work well for all students. One point that we made is that our team was not just about academic levels; students were also placed on our team because their third grade teachers felt they could benefit from fewer transitions or opportunities to be positive leaders. We tried to fight fire with fire, and by being open and honest with the parents about our team and the many reasons students were on it, we took the rumor-mongering power away from the nay-sayers.

There’s anger from those who teaching assignments were changed and disdain from individuals who wanted to stay in the same place but now have to work with “those people.” This can be especially frustrating, because as you’ve read, we wanted teachers to have a voice. Our co-workers chose not to speak up and left the assignments to the administrators. We’ve grown to accept their anger and unkind words. We’ve found our own spot to each lunch, we spend time with those who are positive and avoid those who are negative, and most importantly, we focus on the kids. Truly these angry people are simply looking for attention and by not giving it to them, we come out on top.

In addition to the clouds and the thunder, there is some rain. We’re officially on school improvement due to the scores of our subgroups, and this label coupled with our district’s stated focus on having a growth mindset has presented presents numerous challenges in terms of instruction, intervention, and reporting.

• Here - look at the test results from last year’s state tests, see what areas your kids need to work on, and create an instructional growth plan to meet those areas of weakness.
• But here’s the new progress report with the skills greyed out in certain marking period. So no matter what your instructional growth plan said, here’s what you’ll be teaching each marking period.
• This year we’re all going to have a growth mindset about our students and our learning. We’re going to focus on student strengths and how we can help them be successful.
• But wait, your students will be grouped based on single sets of test scores. And here are the tests that your students won’t pass, but they need to take them anyway even if it makes them cry. Oh, and they’re required to graph their scores so they can see how they do. Don’t worry if they only get 7 or 8 right and that upsets them. If their scores go up 4 points total on reading and math, we’ll give them a pencil and that will make everything all better.

While there is a tremendous focus on test scores and our hands are seemingly tied, we have chosen to continue to make our priority the emotional well-being and growth of our kids. It can be fairly risky to fly in the face of guidelines to use specific scripted programs for guided reading groups, but we have the data to show that our students’ needs are beyond the needs of those scripted programs. And we also have the data to show what we are doing, strategy and skill based groups, is allowing our students to make progress with both their fluency, decoding, and comprehension.

In addition to all of the outside storms we are weathering, we’re creating a few of our own clouds. Because we know people are waiting (hoping?) for us to fail, we realize that we are putting a lot of pressure on our own shoulders. The realization that you’ve asked to work with the most struggling learners during these times of warning lists and evaluation by student achievement is a scary prospect. But scarier than that is knowing the situations from which these kids come from. Some sad, sad situations. The thought of creating a loving, caring, growth focused environment for a student who has never known one is far more daunting than making sure they pass the test. We want to do what’s best for the kids, and we want to show all of those people who’ve doubted us that they were wrong. That our kids CAN be successful when given the opportunity to do so. Using a strength based approach to planning has really helped the three of us share those pressures, and since “All of us are always better than one of us,” we have been able to share insight about the kids so we can come up with plans that will meet all of our students’ needs.

Despite the fact that I seem to be sharing a lot of challenges, there is blue sky filled with white, puffy, fair-weather clouds. And sunlight. These are our kids. Kids who refused to try at the beginning of the year are running up to the board to solve problems, even if they aren’t sure they actually have the right answer. These are the kids who are raising their hands, sharing their thoughts, and taking risks even when their ideas are different from others. And these are the families. Consistent, open lines of communication have allowed us to develop relationships with parents and guardians to help the kids complete homework, address concerns, and talk through problems. We’ve also got several parents coming in and volunteering their time in the classroom to make the students’ learning experiences even better.

And it’s the three of us becoming better teachers. We are constantly questioning what we are doing, why we are doing it, and if there’s a different strategy or tool we could us to help our students make connections and apply the information they’re learning.

I think this meme I found on Facebook really sums up the crazy “weather” we’ve had these last 5 months:

Just like the actual weather, we know there will be bright beautiful days, and there will be challenging stormy days as the year goes on. In the end, if we continue to focus on the kids, work with their parents as partners in learning, and continue to be open and honest with our communication with our team we will be able to hold our heads high and be proud of what we have accomplished for our kids.

A Letter to Mom

I don't usually make a big deal about making Mother's Day presents. It's not that I don't think the kids should do something special for their moms. With so many different circumstances in families we spend a lot of time throughout the year thinking of and recognizing my students' caregivers so it's not so difficult on that one day for my kids who don't have moms or aren't allowed to live with their moms.

Today we had a variety of projects going on: some students were working on writing pieces, some on Google presentations, some on Social Studies research - it was the usual organized chaos of my room. A neighboring teacher dropped off a "Letter to My Mother" paper so I told the kids if they were finished with their required assignments they could work on a letter for their mom if they wanted. I also offered to edit if anybody needed help.

About 15 minutes later Mr. B. walked up to me. Mr. B told me in his dry sense of humor, very early in the year, that he was "not a writer" and has stuck with that despite the great pieces he has written throughout the year.

So I was all ready to edit his piece and send him on my way. I read his letter. And fought back the tears. And showed it to my teammates and the TSS across the hall. This young man, who was adopted at birth wrote the most beautiful letter to his mom that I have ever read in my entire life.

Part of me wishes I had made a copy for myself so I could reread the amazing way how he described how thankful he was that she took him into her arms and promised to love him and take care of him and laugh with him. How he treasures her and is thankful she is his mom. And then the other part of me is glad that the two of them have that letter to share just between the two of them forever.

For somebody who is "not a writer" this sweet and caring young man put the most eloquent words onto paper to show his mom how much he loves her.

It was the perfect ending to teacher appreciation week. I don't teach so my kids do well on tests. THIS is why I teach.

Reflecting on Change - Part 3

This is the third in a series of posts I started for Middleweb. You can read the first parts of our story here and here. This is part three that originally appeared on Middleweb.

Change in the Forecast

When my two teammates and I made the original proposal to our administrative team and our grade level team, the key to our proposal was that teachers would have a voice. We really wanted all the fourth grade teachers to look at their strengths and weaknesses and come up with a teaming plan that matched teachers with those students they felt best prepared to teach.

It’s well documented how challenging the change process can be for some people at every organizational level. But it was an eye-opening experience to live through it first hand. We could not understand why everything was being done so secretively at the decision-making levels, and we really weren’t sure which stories or which people to believe. Our plan for teachers having a voice backfired, and it seemed that the same thing was happening with our desire for open and honest communication.

As the 2012-13 school year came to a close, my teammates and I still didn’t know if our suggested plan was actually going to be acted upon in some way, with or without teacher voice. We didn’t know what our teaching assignments were going to be; we didn’t know if 4th grade teacher teams would be reorganized, and we didn’t know how our students would be placed on teams.

It was only after a confrontational discussion that we finally found out that the three of us would be teaching all four subjects as we requested in our proposal. And while the intent behind the changes was never officially announced to all of the fourth grade teachers, our administration did take the step to reassign teams and the subjects some were teaching in order to make the proposal work.

People are angry

As school started this fall, it was clear that people were angry about that. People are also angry that we shoved our fourth-grade teacher community out of its happy place and into rough and murky waters. And I know people are chomping at the bit for us to fail this year so they can say, “See, I TOLD you that would never work!” All of this is simply motivating us to work harder to make a successful year for our students.

Change will never happen unless people are willing to take all of the wonderful discussions happening among teachers in the virtual world, bring them into face-to-face settings and start putting them into practice in real classrooms. After reading this you’re probably wondering, “Why? Why would any teacher continue forward trying to lead change in his or her school after going through these experiences?” Two words: THE KIDS.

Some lessons we’re learning
We have to be strong enough to stand up and do what is right, even though it may make us unpopular. Our kids deserve that much. If you relate in some way to our story — and you probably do if you’ve stuck with this narrative to this point — then you might be looking for ideas or advice about pushing for change in your building. Here are some of the lessons we have learned. And we’re still learning!

• Make sure you put the kids’ best interests first and keep coming back to that commitment when the going gets stormy.

• Research, research, research. Make sure there is a substantial amount of support for (or a lack of research against) your proposal for change. People need to see that you are truly prepared and are not just coming to them with a random idea that you think sounds good.

• Ask for opposing viewpoints and actually listen to them. Change what doesn’t work and advocate for the points about which you feel strongly. Do this very early and at a personal level. If you’ve read our story, you know that we could have done this sooner.

• Be willing to compromise. While you may love your idea, it might be improved. It may be too big a step for your organization. A baby step is better than no step at all.

• Develop a tough skin and be prepared for some storming. It’s inevitable when you suggest pushing people out of their comfort zones. Some “colleagues” will insult you, your idea and your teaching style. The good news: most will grow over time and continue to move through the process. If your change proposal is sound, many will come to see its wisdom.

• Continue to seek out those who haven’t been willing to change and push them to be open and honest about their concerns. If they don’t have any foundation for their negative behaviors, calling them on it repeated times will bring most of it to a stop.

• Finally, and this is a hard one, if your organization is so strongly entrenched in the old ways of doing things or in always putting adult interests ahead of children’s needs, then it may be time to find a place to work that’s a better fit for you.

Weathering the storms

My teammates and I have had some really awful days. We have often questioned why we think we can make a difference. But each time these doubts creep into our minds, we focus on the real reason for this change. A little more than a month into the new arrangement and the new school year, our 4th graders are already benefiting tremendously from the changes we’ve pushed for. The kids are the ones who matter. That’s why we are here. That’s why this school is here.

For the past month, we’ve encouraged our grade-level team to move forward — to realize that every meaningful change process includes a storming phase. We continue to assure them that the storms produced by climate shift will help us all grow and become more focused on our students’ successes academically, emotionally and socially.

Reflecting on Change - Part 2

This is the second in a series of posts I started for Middleweb. You can read the first part of our story here. This is part two that originally appeared on Middleweb.

Stormy Weather Ahead

After getting the administration on board with our teaming idea, our next step was to go to our grade level team and get them involved in the conversation. We were very excited to share our ideas with them. While the 12 classroom teachers and six itinerant teachers had never worked together prior to this year, we had come together pretty nicely. Sure, there were some philosophical differences that had yet to be hashed out, but if you accept Tuckman’s stages of group development, we had formed quite nicely. And we believed that people would be very open to talking about our teaming proposal and how it would benefit kids and adults.

We felt our proposal was a win-win situation for all. Students would be working with teachers whose instructional and management strengths matched both student needs and the subjects they would be asked to teach. Some students would also have fewer transitions and fewer teachers throughout the day, helping them feel more comfortable and confident.

After years of not having a voice, the adults would be in a better position to evaluate their teaching strengths and weaknesses and work with a team and students they felt were a good fit for them. Parents of the most challenged learners would have one contact person rather than three or four.

And the same would be true for our push-in teachers: Our ELL teacher, our math enrichment instructor, our autistic support teacher and our gifted teacher. Instead of having children scattered across all three teams, these teachers would have one team with whom they would work.

Even with all of these positives, we decided to first talk to our teammates individually or in small groups. Every group has more vocal individuals, and we wanted to make sure that each team member had the chance to listen as we shared all of our information. We also wanted to make sure that people who were not as comfortable speaking in large groups had the chance to ask questions or make comments.

So early one morning, with our main idea points neatly copied, the three of us headed out to talk to our respective groups and make plans for a large group discussion. The responses were not exactly what we had expected. I suppose Tuckman would say that we were beginning the “storming phase” for our group.

Our initial contact with our fourth grade teacher colleagues gave us a mixed bag of responses. Some people loved the idea. Some people really didn’t say much of anything. And some people got very, very angry. We assured each teacher that we were just introducing a possibility and that there would be group discussions about it so everybody could have a voice. Our goal was an open, honest conversation about strength-based assignments and what would work best for the kids.

“Open and honest” is not exactly what happened in the wake of our first sit-down chats. Stormy discussions, to which we were not invited, took place. The conversation often stopped as we walked into the room. We were blamed for “ruining” the positive spirit and the good year that our team was having. Our teaching methods were questioned in meetings where we were not in attendance.

All of this was terribly frustrating because we felt we’d done nothing wrong. Some  people accused us of going behind their backs to administration. That was the furtherest thing from our minds. We simply believed there was no reason to bring the idea before the whole group and have everybody invest time and energy mulling it over IF there was no way any change could even happen.

Some other teachers felt that we were criticizing their teaching ability. How could we? Sadly, we don’t get to see each other teach, so we have no right and no basis for saying that anybody was a good, bad or mediocre teacher. And even if we were lucky enough to learn from each other through visitations, we would never judge our coworkers based on our time in their classrooms.

In response to many negative comments, each of us, individually, went and talked to people in an attempt to have open and honest communication. We apologized for making people feel as though we went around them to higher-ups — or that their abilities were being judged. We might have handled that better, we said. But that is all that we apologized for. We were acting in what we deeply believed was the best interest of the most vulnerable kids in our new school, and that is what we constantly reminded ourselves as we went through the remainder of a suddenly very prickly school year.

Additional meetings were held with our entire grade-level team and the original administrative team that we’d met with. People were not open and honest in the meetings, and at some meetings insults flew. It also seemed like very little got accomplished for a variety of reasons — the biggest one being a fear of change.

While our grade-level team could agree that groups of identified students should be on one team to best meet their needs — and to make things a bit easier for the teachers providing special services — little else got accomplished.

Even though it was evident to all involved that there were teachers working with identified students who didn’t have the skill set to best meet their needs, nobody would volunteer to move. “But I love my team!” “My team works so well together!” they said. Our mantra was: “It’s not about the adults, it’s about what’s best for the kids.”

As the end of the year rolled around, we still hadn’t made it through Tuckman’s storming stage. Even though we wanted teachers to have a voice, that didn’t end up happening because people at all levels struggled with and sometimes openly resisted the change process.