I do a lot of my writing in a journal now, but every now and then I come back here. Maybe I'll start writing more here - who knows. But I wanted to come back and share my one little word, which I have not done in a while. I've been picking a word instead of making resolutions for a bunch of years now, and I really do like it. My last two words have been especially helpful for me.
In 2016 my word was believe. One of the things I learned going through my divorce was that I didn't believe in myself. I didn't believe I was worthy of, well, anything really, and I did believe that I deserved everything that had happened to me. 2016 was a year of growth for me, and I can finally say that I did start to believe in myself.
In 2017, I chose the word courage because I just wanted to be brave enough to try new things, fail, and continue to believe that I deserved the best. While my amazing counselor was there to help me with many things, the biggest turning point for me was when I stumbled upon a 30 Days of Brave Challenge. Now it's a paid service (of which I am a member - I'm currently working on my 30 Days of Mindfulness), but back when I tried it out it was brand new. Each day I received an activity to try and a journal prompt to reflect and write about. Day 7. It was a life changer. The prompt for Day 7 asked me to think about the movie of my life, and it asked me to rewrite the movie and talk about how the actress would play me. That was the day when I realized that I put myself in the role of victim, and I never let myself out of that role. As the words of my new movie poured onto paper, I realized that I wasn't a victim any more, and the only person who was keeping me there was me. As I closed my journal that day, I felt like a ton of bricks (even more to be quite honest) was lifted off of me, and I think that's when I was finally free of everything. It probably sounds a little selfish or self-centered, but that's the day I started putting myself first instead of constantly trying to make everybody else happy. I wouldn't say that it's been smooth sailing ever since, but it has given me a new found strength to clear the clutter out of my life, see things a little more clearly, and focus on the people and things that truly are important to me.
Now here we are in 2018. I have batted around a few different words: mindful, present, centered, and I thought I had settled on present: seriously - put down the damn phone and be present! But in a surprising little twist just this morning, I decided that my word for 2018 is going to be OPEN. I realized that I'm saying I want things, but then I resist doing those things or letting people into my life. So, this year my goal is to be open to all of the experiences life has in store for me. Yes, I may be afraid. Yes, some of them might be pretty crappy. But I can't live life sitting on the sofa playing games on my phone, reading blog posts, checking Facebook, or looking at emails. I need to be open to the good and the bad because every single experience will give me the chance to learn and grow.
So here's to 2018. May we all be open to every experience life has in store for us, and may we all love, grow, and sprinkle a little good around every, single day.
